Ed Recovery Story from Hilary Crannage
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“It started growing up, and sitting in the doctor’s office during a physical. I’m a Type 1 Diabetic so these happened a lot. I was always told the, according to the average BMI chart, I was overweight. But it never occurred to me that I didn’t look overweight. That it was just how my body was built thicker and heavier.
My sister is build like a skinny rail which I constantly compared myself to. So I was always body conscious, and that awareness grew when I started to get into my teens and would stand for hours in the bathroom examining my body. I would get really upset at the amount of skin I could pinch in certain places. The worst area, I believed, was my stomach. God I HATED how much of my stomach jiggled. In reality it was just skin and water. I was hitting puberty and these things happen. It didn’t occur to me that I wore a size 9 long jean size and that was by no means plus size. In my mind if I could pinch it, it was fat. which meant that I was fat.
I found a love for running in high school. I was never the fastest by any means. Long distance runners are very lean and lanky, and I am neither. However the more I kept at it, the faster I got. Until I hit a plateau and realized that the only way to be as competitive as I needed to be, was to lose weight. That’s when the insecurity became obsession.
It was the beginning of senior year in high school when I started eating less and exercising more. Gradually the weight started to fall off and my endurance went up. In the end I could run at the level I needed but I went from a healthy weight for me of 155-160 lbs to 120 lbs. you could see every bone in my body. I could fit into clothes that were too small for my younger sister.
I was an anorexic diabetic.
My parents threatened rehab so I decided to face the demon and make myself eat. But I gained little weight because I spent most of my time working out.
By the time I was running in college I hit my fastest time but at a cost. My body was worked too hard and was injured. Forced to take a break from running when the weight came back with a vengeance. When I went back to running I weighed 180 lbs and hit rock bottom again.
I kept running but dislocated my knee in track and was forced to stop running for good. This was hard. How could I appease that demon in my head now? My father was a powerlifter and made sure to expose me to it. so I started powerlifting and eventually bodybuilding. Its taken about a year since then and I am now finally at a point where I am confident and comfortable with myself. I’ve found a healthy way to obsess over my appearance.
I weigh close to 175 lbs but this time its muscle. Strong is beautiful, and you have to eat to be strong.”
– Hilary Crannage
– Hilary Crannage